cocoon
The boiling, bubbling, steaming, and simmering inside my stomach seems to be constant lately. It’s not gastrointestinal. It’s deeper than that. Something is heating up inside the most center point of my core soul. There is a humming vibration, almost like a faint car alarm, that is always ringing. My solar plexus is on fire.
Your solar plexus is a spot right above the belly button that holds your power and your inner wisdom. Interesting, I’ve been so aware the past few weeks of my lack of gut feelings. Here they are. As if they have been there all along, and are waiting to be hatched out of their protective shell. I’ve, truthfully, felt very shameful for not being able to “find” my gut. And now, I know where it is, but it doesn’t feel like the wisdom I was expecting to be so confident in. This seems like an urgent but buried warning. My body believes it is in danger - and maybe it is because I have never heard from my gut before.
I don’t know what it is trying to say. I’m not quite sure I’m ready to hear that part yet. My first instinct is to turn this off. I’d be much more comfortable listening to guidance from the outside and sitting in the dark inside. This is what I know.
This moment is frightening. The shell is vibrating intensely and is about to burst, break, overflow, and bring chaos inside. Cracks are beginning to form at the surface, painfully reminding me of the change that is coming. And within that, I can see the bright, warm, yellow glow starting to peek its way through the fractures. I am reminded that butterflies ending their metamorphosis in their cocoons struggle immensely to exit, and that strength they build during that time allows them to flourish in their new stage. I wonder if butterflies ever question whether leaving their cocoon is worth it. Do they have a moment where they wish to continue their life as caterpillars? Would a butterfly want to reverse their progress?
I am a caterpillar in a cocoon. I have been looking at butterflies with envy, wondering when it will be my turn to fly. I don’t know how long I have been in my cocoon, but it would explain much of the past few years of my life. Perhaps now is the moment that I am getting ready to begin anew. Am I ready? Did I change enough? Is this what a new butterfly feels like?
It’s definitely not what a butterfly is thinking about. They just want to get out of the cocoon.